It is usual for parents to find their children fighting and arguing off an on. However, it becomes a cause of concern when the usual fights turn aggressive and involve extreme emotions, turning into sibling rivalry. It is vital that parents understand this difference and immediately seek child parent counselling or help to improve the relationship shared by their children.

The root cause of most sibling rivalries is insecurity. Commonly this insecurity stems from how parents themselves, treat their children. If you too are facing the issue of sibling rivalry in your home, it is best to introspect and find out the answers to the following questions –

• Are you sub-consciously biased towards one child over the other?
• Are you frequently comparing your two children and letting them know how one is better than the other?
• Are you disrespectful, taunting, and frequently upset with your kids?
• Is anger and commanding tone your ultimate method of resolving issues in the house?
• Are you talking to your kids enough?

Most child parent counselling sessions bring out the inability of the parents to handle interpersonal relationships as the root cause of sibling rivalry.

 

Tips To Prevent Sibling Rivalry

Communication of the right kind is the key to improving interpersonal relationship. Here is what you as parents can do to prevent or reduce sibling rivalry:

 

#1. Stop making comparisons

Never compare your kids. Each child is unique and has his or her own set of strengths and weaknesses. You comparison crushes their self-confidence and makes them question their abilities. This leads to insecurities and the desire to pull down the sibling in the eyes of the parents as well.

 

#2. Avoid playing favorites

When you favor one child over the other, you are sowing seeds of jealousy among your own kids. Treat both kids equally. When you praise one child for something, make an effort to find something nice to say to the other also.

 

#3. Accept your child’s weaknesses and highlight the positives

Children are not good at everything. They are small and are learning. Accept their weaknesses without criticizing. It is always better to guide and give tips on how to overcome, while being sensitive to their emotions as well. Reaffirm your child that there are things you like in him/her. Highlight the positive qualities of your little one and let him/her bring out the positives of the sibling too.

 

#5. Create individual ‘us-time’ with each child

Kids are attention seekers and often fight to gain attention. To curb this habit, make sure you take out time to sit with each of your kids at least once a day. Individual attention calms them down and creates opportunity for conversation and better understanding.

 

Points for positive parenting

• Let your children resolve their fights on their own and intervene only when it gets out of hand.
• Never dismiss your child’s anger. Learn to listen in and help to ventilate.
• Always work as a team with your partner and display the same opinions.
• Offer privileges to children when they are responsible and well behaved.
• Gender sensitivity, avoiding verbal abuse, empathy, and equivalent treatment are few qualities to inculcate in your child.

If you feel that despite all efforts the sibling rivalry between your kids is only growing, seek child parent counselling from a professional counsellor such as

Sanjay Kapoor Counselling services. They have years of experience in the arena of parent and child counselling and you are sure to find a solution with them.